Arriving Home

My last afternoon and evening were full. I heard two speakers, Vicky Gray, a transgendered woman priest from California, and Nomfundo Walaaza, Chief Executive Officer of The Desmond Tutu Peace Centre and clinical psychologist from South Africa, speak on the topic of "Growing in Mission." Vicky spoke about transitioning to be a woman and the difficulty of doing that within a parish community as well as what she sees as her mission as a priest in California, a mission to those on the margins, those in prison, those living with an addiction. Nomfundo Walaaza spoke passionately and eloquently of her experiences as an African Anglican woman and of how it is to try to live into the constitution they now have in South Africa. After these two inspiring speakers, we had Evening Prayer, a nice last one for me. I then quickly changed clothes and Sally and I went to a dinner and speaker sponsored by Inclusive Church. We heard a New Testament scholar, Richard Burridge, give a thought provoking presentation. Sally and I left early to meet her bishop, Bishop Curry, my friend Bishop Marc, and others for dinner, a wonderful ending to my time at Lambeth.

As I left early the next morning, I left Canterbury with mixed emotions. I was eager to be home, to see my partner and two sons, and at the same time, I was sorry to be leaving Lambeth, sad to miss the final days of the conference. On the plane, I began to read Katharine Jefferts Schori's book, "A Wing and a Prayer," wrote in my journal, and began the process of reflecting on this amazing experience. I had the heart warming experience of coming through customs and having my one son yell, "Mommy" and run enthusiastically to hug me while my other son came more slowly to me, hugged me, but mostly just stood beside me, quietly holding my hand, not wanting to let go, both being just who they are. I know I will continue to read and write (and blog!) as I process so many things about this experience. I have so many of other people's stories with me, stories of transgendered people, of LGBT Africans English, Canadians, and Americans, of bishops, priests, and Anglican scholars who are listening and speaking out for full inclusion of all God's people. Stories. People. During my time there, I was one who did not have a name tag or a lanyard, which was the way people identified who was who (bishops and spouses had purple, press had blue, etc). I know at times I felt even to be on the fringe of the fringe. But I came away feeling thankful to have had this experience, honored to have met all the people I did and to see the bishops engaged in trying to move forward together. I feel fortunate to have engaged in the Alongside Lambeth program and various Fringe events, to have had the opportunity to to tell my story and the story of our family and just to be a presence there. The way forward is not clear, but I do hope for full inclusion in the church for all people. I do hope the listening process continues or can begin in some places.

Last Day for Me

Today is my last day in Canterbury. Today is also the day devoted to human sexuality on the bishop's schedule. I wonder how the day will go. There are tensions, I know, as the bishops try to work towards finding a way forward. I have also heard bishops speak of new relationships, of connecting, especially with those in their bible study. It seems to me that so much of our time here is about building relationships. Once we know someone, we can have real dialogue with them, even able to disagree. I have met some wonderful people here in many different ways and will carry them with me as I leave.

Last night, Sally and I went on a candlelight pilgrimage of Canterbury Cathedral. There were 40-50 of us, the only ones in the Cathedral. They split us into two groups, and a priest led us through the Cathedral. The priest was reflective as we walked silently through various parts of the Cathedral. It was not a tour of the Cathedral. It was a mediative journey, with stops at some of the holy places within the Cathedral. We visited the place where Thomas Beckett was murdered as well as his shrine. We walked from the back of the Cathedral, the Nave, up to the front of the Cathedral, near the shrine. In that space we completed Compline in darkness except for the light from our candles. It was a wonderful experience. I noticed especially the beautiful way the stained glass changed as darkness fell.

Yesterday, after the bible study, we attended a Eucharist at the Greyfriars Monastery, where the Francsicans have been having daily Eucharist and have been praying for the Lambeth Conference. The service was held in a small, medieval church, simply adorned, just off the main road going through Canterbury. I turned off the main street, with all its bustle, and encountered such a still, peaceful place, surrounded by wildflowers and open space, overlooking the canal. In this place of much activity and energy, there is this quiet, spiritual retreat. Some of the people at the service had come to Canterbury to be here just during Lambeth in order to pray for the conference.

I pray for the bishops today in their conversations about the difficult topic of human sexuality.

Another full day

Our B & B is between the University of Kent, where the bishops are meeting and where many events take place, and the City of Canterbury. I have walked quite a lot since coming here, going from one place to the other. Canterbury is a beautiful city. Tonight, as we walked into the City Centre (as it is called) for dinner, I marveled at how the city has just grown up around the original stone structures. There are buildings that date from such early times. I love how the city has held onto the vestiges of the medieval times while becoming a modern, though quaint, city.

Today, the bible study was about Jesus walking on the water from John 6:16-21. Some of the people in my group felt somewhat discouraged after yesterday's news of the bishops being given a proposal which called for a continued moratoria on blessing same sex unions and ordaining openly gay bishops. These two moratoria apply directly to those of us here as LGBT people trying to be a witness. The disciples felt afraid in the dark on the rough waters before Jesus comes to them; one priest in the bible study remarked that she felt all LGBT Anglicans were in a dark, frightening place right now. Yesterday's news felt unsettling and scary. Another priest in our group reminded us that God is still the focus of our belief, giving hope to all of us. There are many bishops here who are so friendly and supportive of us being here. It is encouraging.

Today, Sally, myself, and a woman named Elizabeth, gave a talk titled, "New Families-New Needs" at St. Stephen's Church (the church which has been hosting speakers and Evening Prayer each day). We all spoke of different encounters of family from our personal experience and what the church can do to welcome all families. After prefacing my portion with a focus on blessing same sex unions, I spoke about our ceremony 10 years ago, how important it was for our relationship to be blessed and recognized within the church, how important it was to have that public witness of our life together. That was the first step towards the building of our family. As our children came along, both baptized in the church, we became a family in the Episcopal Church. When we moved to Baltimore, our search for a church began with looking for a place where we could feel at home, included and welcomed into the life of the church.

A bright spot yesterday was going to the book signing of Katharine Jefferts Schori. She was quite gracious as she signed books. She met with Sally, myself, and our other companion travelers, Arthur and Sam. She thanked us for being here, which I thought was great.

A New Week

Today is the beginning of the second week of Lambeth. There is the realization that the conversations among the bishops may become more tense this week. I hope and pray that there is a true spirit of listening as the bishops and others here engage with one another. This afternoon I attended a program titled, "The Art of Reconciliation." Bishop Hilary Garang, an artist as well as the Bishop of Malakal, spoke and presented his artwork as well as artwork from others in Sudan. The presentation was a moving depiction of the difficult life in that country and how the people there are trying to rebuild their country.

I am now going to a book signing by the Presiding Bishop of the U.S.

Thank you for all your thoughts, love, and prayers.

The Weekend

I'm sitting in another pub, the Evenhill Pub, having a half-pint (they also call them ladies' pints). Sally and I just finished dinner. We went to a place called Howlett's, a wild animal park. There were tigers, elephants, gorillas and many others. This place is about 5 miles outside of Canterbury. My boys would have liked it. Today was my first day driving in England. Not only did I need to remember to drive on the other side of the road here, but I also had to shift gears with my left hand and get used to a clutch again. I only had one person honk at me, so I guess that's pretty good!

Each day is so full. It's as though there are segments to the day. Sometimes it is hard to believe that some event happened only the day before. This morning I attended Eucharist at Canterbury Cathedral. The Cathedral is so beautiful--amazing architecture, breathtaking stained glass. There were at least a thousand people at the service this morning. Many bishops were at this service. The Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, was the celebrant. During the reciting of the Lord's Prayer, the request was made for everyone to say the Lord's Prayer in their native language. As I heard all these languages saying the Lord's Prayer, I was made aware once again that we are all one. I felt that same connection again as we walked up to take communion. There were people from all over, taking communion as one body, united in our common faith, although struggling to agree on significant issues.

Yesterday, the text for the bible study was the story of the 5 loaves and 2 fishes. Given the size of the crowd, the offer of the loaves and fishes from the boy seems insignificant. Yet, Jesus took that small gift and made more than enough for everyone. All of the gifts we have to offer, although they may feel small, are important. In each of the three bible studies I have attended so far, I realize that Jesus uses the unexpected person to perform the miracle. Jesus responded to the royal official coming to him (healing his son), he healed the man outside the temple, and here he uses the boy's gift to perform a miracle and feed the masses. In each story, Jesus uses the unlikely. All are included in his vision.

Last night, the Inclusive Church Network sponsored an Inclusive Eucharist. We began with a Taize' chant, "Veni, Sancte, Spiritus" (Come, Holy Spirit). It was a peaceful and beautiful beginning to the service. It was nice to be at this service (of which there were maybe 10 bishops) and to feel fully included. It felt good to just be in that space, in communion with others, knowing those at that service also believe in a fully inclusive Church.

Living in the Present

I am sitting in a tavern (nice thing about England), having a "pint" and writing this blog. The last couple of days have gone by quickly. Yesterday we took a train into London. It was the Bishop's day in London, so there was not an official program in Canterbury. We missed their walk to Lambeth Palace (not far from Westminster), but we wandered through the gardens and then walked through London to get to the theater. We saw the poignant and humorous musical "Billy Elliott." The story centers around a boy from an impoverished town and family who longs to study ballet at the Royal Ballet. He and his mother sing a beautiful duet; in it, she entreats him to be himself. Billy's struggle resonated with me; many of us are trying to be ourselves and to feel God's love for us, as we are.

On Wednesday evening, we saw the preview of the documentary, "Voices of Witness--Africa," and then the original "Voices of Witness." In the first (which Bishop Marc helped raise the money to produce), there were stories of lesbian, gay and transgendered people from different countries in Africa. Some of them are here now at Lambeth, telling their stories. I was struck by how difficult their journeys have been and the courage they are showing in being here.

Tonight I talked with a priest who has dissolved his marriage after realizing his sexual orientation. There was such pain and heartache, but also a realization that he would be doing damage to not only himself, but his family, if he didn't face his sexuality. I am so thankful to be here meeting such committed people, all longing for full inclusion into the Anglican Communion.

Here in Canterbury

I made it here with relative ease. My friend Sally met me at the airport. It was great to have her company as I journeyed to Lambeth and Canterbury. After unpacking, Sally and I walked to the Marketplace to sign up for a couple of events. We then traveled to St. Stephens Church for a speaker. I saw my good friend Bishop Marc, and we made arrangements to meet for dinner. After the speaker, we stayed for Evening Prayer. It was good to be present with others, in this beautiful church, hearing voices from various places, different voices but common responses. I love Evening Prayer; it reminds me of my time in Blacksburg, when our "small group" gathered for Evening Prayer during the week. After Evening Prayer, a group of us went to dinner. We had a wonderful visit, an opportunity to meet and get to know others. It is difficult at times to trust in God's timing, to be a pilgrim here, not to want all connections at once. Today, I attended a bible study in the "Alongside Lambeth" program. We studied John 4:46-54, the passage about Jesus healing the royal offical's son. As we went around the circle and introduced ourselves, I was struck by the sincerity and commitment of the people in the circle. In some way, each of us in the bible study is in the margin, at this conference, in the Church. Yet, I was struck by their openness, to others, to the scripture, to the experience of being here. We talked of transformation, in the scripture and in our lives. One woman spoke about the ripple effect of our experiences, that sometimes, we do not know what transformations are taking place, both within ourselves and in our interactions with others.

I pray I am open to being transformed and to trusting that transformations take place in ways we sometimes never know.